So that no one thinks I'm unfairly beating up on one gender, because it's not a one-gender problem, I'm going to start out with the wrapping up. It's backwards, but sometimes I like to be a little unpredictable.
For purposes of discussion, Nice Guys are men who claim to be "nice", then whine and cry and guilt trip and act like petulant toddlers when the woman of their choice rejects them, or does not go out with them for the simple reason that they never asked. "Friendzone", "Nice Guys Finish Last", and "Girls only date assholes" are key phrases that help identify the Wild Wailing Nice Guy.
Sweet Girls are girls that will tell everyone ad nauseam about what catches they are, but they just can't hold a man, because in relationships, they are alternately smothering or sullen, depending on the man's ability to read her mind that day. She is an odd mix of Mama and Baby, and both expects you to follow every last thing she says to the letter and to take care of her outrageous neediness.
Now, some other bloggers say that the Nice Guy exists because of patriarchy, and he is inherently sexist. I am arguing against that point. The Nice Guy is usually sexist, that's true, but if he existed solely because of patriarchy, there would not be gay Nice Guys. There would not be Sweet Girls, straight and gay. It would be solely the province of straight men to complain about why they are not getting the lascivious sex they want with piles of beautiful women if this was solely the province of sexism, but instead there just exists this subset of every gender and sexuality who whines incessantly about why beautiful people are not having sex with them, and assuming it's because they are simply too good for this sinful earth.
I put this squarely on the shoulders of entitlement. "I want this thing, therefore I deserve to have it". It's like a deranged Santa Claus Syndrome, where wanting + "good" is powerful enough to overcome all pretensions to human agency. If you're good enough, it doesn't matter that Tickle Me Elmo is rarer than moon rocks set in platinum. I want one and Mama says I'm good. Good kids get what they want! Always!
The subset of Nice Guy and Sweet Girl never outgrow this. I assume they are the ones that pitched an absolute fit when Tickle Me Elmo wasn't under the tree, and had their parents placate them. I'm an English major and a daycare teacher, not a psychologist, but I assume the massive outbreak of both came around the time that a number of parents stopped explaining to children that wanting something doesn't always mean you get it. They apparently also did not explain that this applies way, way more to humans than it does to toys.
Basic human nature is to seek out companionship, and basic human nature casts oneself as the hero of ones own story. No one wants to believe that they need a lot of improving. They are Good. They are Nice. They are Sweet. They are Deserving of Love. I will not say that they are not, because maybe they are. The problem is, they have missed the step of accepting that other people are also people. Beautiful Person X is still a Person. S/he is Deserving of Love on their own terms. They can say "No, I do not love you. I love her/him/no one right now". They can say "Sorry, I do not feel any attraction to you". They do not owe you anything beyond basic human decency. If you are nice to them, they owe you niceness, but not affection, and definitely not sex. Human beings are not vending machines that you put niceness in and get sex out.
Next Week: Nice Guys in Particular.
Well thought out, Jennie.
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